Okay, I have to admit.... When I went to church tonight I thought, "Bro. Doug isn't going to be here tonight, and, well...I've never met his wife so I don't really know if tonight's service will be..okay. Will I get anything out of it?" Turns out that I did. In fact, his wife taught on the one thing that I've been having a problem with lately: relationships. So often, I rely on relationships to define who I am, and to fill the emptiness that dominates my life. But you can't do that. That isn't how it works. Whether you see the Bible as an instruction book for how to live, or about God, or a history book, it's a book that's filled with relationships. Good ones, and bad ones. Ms. Erin talked about how the very first establishment that God created was the home, and this is how it goes. The father is the head of the home, and should rely on God to lead him and his family in the way they should go. The father is also the protector of the home, and I like what Erin had to say about this: "Men, you may not like this, but there's a reason God created you with broader shoulders. You have more of a burden to bear." I long for my future husband to be a man that will step up and take that stance. While I'm a very independant woman, it gets extremely weary to know day in and day out that I may never have someone to rely on. God, yes, but what about my human partner? It would be very weary and exhausting if I had to live my life alone. And that may end up being my burden. I don't know yet. Anyway, moving on. She also said something tonight that made me think. Most often, the relationship the children in the home have with their heavenly Father, reflects the relationship between the earthly father and his children. I find this to be true. She said there were three types of homes. Either the father is a loving father and the family is stable, or the dad is absent from the home leaving the mother to be the protector and the provider, or the dad is a work-a-holic or has problems and leaves the mom as the protector and the dad as the provider. Now, she said this is how it worked.... Children in the first home are liable to see God as someone with a firm hand but with unconditional love. Children in the second home are liable not to have a relationship with God at all, or a relationship where they wonder if God will be there for them. The third home is the one I related to the most. While my father does love me(I know this) he hasn't exactly been in my life a lot. He provides for my family, but he spends most of his time alone or working. He spends very little time with his family. As a result, all of his children(my siblings and myself) have fantastic relationships with the mother(my mom is my best friend) and have little to no relationship with their father(I know nothing about my dad). Now, when she first was saying all of this I was like..."That is SO not true. I don't view God like I view my father..." But the truth is that I do. I view God as someone who loves me, but at the same time will condemn me for every little thing I do wrong. That I can't do anything right. With this realization came the reality that this has to change. I have to stop being afraid of God, and start building a stable relationship with him. I have to come to grips with the fact that he isn't pointing a finger at me, and realize that he wants a relationship with me that isn't based on anger, and fragile trust. She also went on to say that no relationship can thrive without God as the base. This IS absoloutley 100% true. For those of you that don't know, I was engaged once. The man I was engaged to I loved very, very much. And there are times when I still miss him. When I still wish he was here. Get my drift? But what we have would never have worked. Why? God was not the basis of our relationship. He never was. We had no trust between us, we didn't know each other like we thought we did. We were just two lonely people trying to fix our lives the best we could, and it didn't work. First and foremost, you must fill your life with Jesus Christ. Then, when you begin to build a relationship, follow these guidelines(as laid out by Bro. Doug's wife. :) But she's right...) : 1.) You have to know the person first. Get to know the person. As a friend, or as a potential boyfriend/girlfriend. Get to know that person. 2.) You have to learn to trust people. And to trust this person. Without trust as part of your foundation, it doesn't work. Trust me, I should know. This is one of the reasons so many of my relationships falls apart. 3.) Once the foundation of trust is laid, you begin to rely on this person. Which is very important. Once trust has been established, it's easy to rely on someone. 4.) Commit. Commiting to this person, once all is said and done finalizes your relationship with this person. Commitment isn't to be taken lightly. 5.) Finally, in the case of marriage, is the physical. That ONE person you'll spend the rest of your life with. ONE. Not multiple people. ONE. The world sees it as this: 1.) "Let's get physical." To the world, it's all about the physical point of view. Sex is everywhere, and let's face it people. The media is right. It sells. 2.) Commit. You commit out of necessity. 3.) Rely. You rely because you've had to commit. 4.) You trust because you forced yourself to rely on that person, but this kind of trust is usually very fragile. 5.) Finally, you get to know the person you're with. And lemme' tell ya'...you may not always like what you find. We should all be careful in how we handle our relationships. Both friendships, and other relationships. God should be the foundation for everything. I challenge you to take all this and chew on it for awhile. Sorry, I know this sounds basic, but it really hit me and made me think.  Love and hugs, you guys. | 
